In her amazing book \u201cA Short Guide to a Happy Life\u201d, Anna Quindlen wrote about life being in two stages \u2013 the before and the after stage.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then you were lying on a doctor\u2019s table, or the phone rang. And your world suddenly divided, as my world did many years ago. It divided into \u201cbefore\u201d and \u201cafter\u201d.<\/p>\n
For her the \u201cbefore\u201d was before her mother became ill and the after was life after her mother passed away.<\/p>\n
I came upon this book a few years before I made the decision to be Forty and Fabulous. I had been looking for ways to get my mind away from the constant negative thoughts that I had \u2013 that \u201cnever good enough feeling\u201d that I had about my work and my life. When I looked around, REALLY looked around, I saw how lucky I was. I had a great job at a good, strong company with wonderful colleagues and I was interested in my work. I had a beautiful, healthy child and family. My Mother had moved across the country and now lived in the same town as I did. I didn\u2019t have money issues. Everything I had worked for had come to fruition. I just had to learn how to stop, take a breath and look around to really enjoy what I had.<\/p>\n
I found \u201cThe Happiness Project\u201d by Gretchen Rubin. This book was an eye opener. She was asking herself exactly what I was asking myself\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cOne rainy afternoon, while riding a city bus, Gretchen Rubin asked herself, \u201cWhat do I want from life, anyway?\u201d She answered, \u201cI want to be happy\u201d\u2014yet she spent no time thinking about her happiness. In a flash, she decided to dedicate a year to a happiness project.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was a great read and it led me to continue my search about how to be happier. Another book I came across and read was \u201cThe Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work\u201d by Shawn Achor . Yes- sounds like a \u201cread for work\u201d book, and in honesty it is, BUT Shawn Achor\u2019s TED talk (which led me to the book) and his positive psychology gave me the first real tools I\u2019d ever had to help me change my negativity. He talked about making a list each day of the positive things that have happened to you. As he puts it\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cIt may sound hokey, or ridiculously simple-and indeed the activity itself is simple-but over a decade of empirical studies has proven the profound effect it has on the way our brains are wired. When you write down a list of \u201cthree good things\u201d that happened that day, your brain will be forced to scan the last 24 hours for potential positives-things that brought small or large laughs, feelings of accomplishment at work, a strengthened connection with family, a glimmer of hope for the future. In just five minutes a day, this trains the brain to become more skilled at noticing and focusing on possibilities for personal and professional growth, and seizing opportunities to act on them.\u201d<\/p>\n
I tried it. Instead of writing it down, each night before going to falling asleep I\u2019d lie in bed and look for 3 good things that happened to me. At first it was hard but with time, it got easier and I noticed that it really did help turn my negativity around quite a bit. I initiated a ritual with my daughter who was 4. Each night after tucking her into bed and reading her a book, we\u2019d turn out the light and each say 3 things that happened that day that made us happy. I love this ritual.<\/p>\n
Then again I also noticed on the days I didn\u2019t browse through the local newspaper \u2013 where all they wrote about was who died tragically, who was killed, or who passed away \u2013 I also was able to remove that large, negative burden of bad news and sad events from my mind as well. Positive Psychology. Read about it if you want to know more. I found it to be quite eye opening and there are more books out there.<\/p>\n
What does all of this Happiness Searching and Positive Psychology have to do with breast cancer? In my life, they are two juxtaposed chapters. The few years before my diagnosis I took baby steps daily at work and in my life towards a more positive view, working to live instead of living to work, hoping to someday not have such a strong feeling of not working hard enough, not being enough until one day, the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer \u2013 it became the easiest thing in my life to do \u2013 put me and my life first, my family, friends and support team second, and put work at a distant third.\u00a0 Strangely in less than a month since my diagnosis my eyes are so wide open to all that I have. I live more in the moment than I EVER did before. Life is too much to bear if you look back or worry about tomorrow \u2013 so I simply enjoy today, every day, and take each day as it comes. \u00a0Yes \u2013 I now see the pivot point in my life \u2013 my \u201cbefore\u201d and my \u201cafter\u201d as Anna said I would. Instead of thinking of it as a sole pivot point \u2013 as I did when I first read it in Anna Quindlen\u2019s book, I now think of it as the changing of chapters in my life. Welcome to my new chapter \u2013 a Forty and Fabulous Breast Cancer Patient.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In her amazing book \u201cA Short Guide to a Happy Life\u201d, Anna Quindlen wrote about life being in two stages \u2013 the before and the after stage. \u201cAnd then you were lying on a doctor\u2019s table, or the phone rang. … Continue reading